Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
