he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Alive.
So much puke
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
