No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
