i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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