ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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