This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
