i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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