420 ftw
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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