it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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