What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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