apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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