We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
