I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
