i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
