i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
