Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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