I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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