we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
