You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
