It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
