The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
