thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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