Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
