JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
