Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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