Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
