god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
