She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
