She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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