Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
God, I missed his penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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