Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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