Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
