He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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