I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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