Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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