So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
