I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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