i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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