my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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