I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
