Umm I'm too high to move.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
