Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize