Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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