dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
