Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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