I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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