with your own penis?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
