Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
