omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
