Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
