he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
