Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
