How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
