I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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