He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
