He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
