tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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