At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
