I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
