you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize