We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
