Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize