Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
