I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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