I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
40s are totally the cure
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
