Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
