we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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