Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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