HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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