Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
