I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
