The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
