I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
