My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I currently don't understand fingers.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
