he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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