its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
