Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
