I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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