Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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