just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
