What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
