Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
