Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Even my vagina gasped.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
