We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
