So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
