Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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