I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have demons in me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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