I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
